April 5, 2020

Know you ride it right

I might just die tonight

But you know I'm still coming through baby

I know it's bad for me

And you know it tastes so sweet

I think I need your abuse baby

Girl, you do damage to me

You, know I love it, yeah, I love you

Ain't nothing better for me now

Girl, you do damage to me

You, know I love it, yeah, I love you

Ain't nothing better for me now

Than your poison baby... 

Brent Faiyaz - Poison 

On September 9, 2019 my weight loss journey began with Ideal Protein. Day one really wasn't bad. Eating cucumbers like potato chips and drinking water kept me full. I did this for the rest of the week until Friday. I started feeling the cravings. I never was a candy bar eater but I would've punched someone for a Snickers Bar. Yes, I was a Snickers Bar commercial. I was beginning to feel agitated about anything. It could have been something as small as hearing my text message alert go off. Yes I said it....the alert I choose for my phone was causing me to get upset. As I look back at it now, it is very comical. My body was craving the sugar and carbs that were being cut dramatically. My weight loss coach told me that I would start feeling fatigue, irritable or have a headache due to the diet change. So for the next two weeks I dealt with my fatigue and irritability by staying at home. I didn't feel that I had the will power to eat correctly if I went out to a restaurant with friends. So I used this time of solitude to get mentally prepared for this journey. 

Oh, I forgot to tell you all I had to give up was the consumption of alcohol for this weight loss program. WTF was my thought! This is the start of football season and my beer drinking goes hand in hand with this. Prior to starting my program, when I got off from work on Thursday or Friday I would get my alcohol for the weekend. I would get about 5 to 6 Budlight 40oz, some Budlight 24oz cans, a bottle of courvoisier, Hennessy or Paul Mason. Of course I had to get my Seagram's Ginger Ale for my hard liquor.  I thought the alcohol was for setting the mood to relax after a long week of work, but as I found out the alcohol was just numbing unprocessed pains and frustrations. Everyone who knew me knew my love for alcohol. The feeling of numbness was everything to me. I didn't want to feel the emotional and physical pain I was dealing with. The alcohol didn't make me think of health issues, it numbed the thought of being overweight.  I didn't think about the pain I was still holding from past breakups. I thought alcohol was giving me Zen but in actuality it was the main reason why I was gaining. Not because of the carbs associated with alcohol but the suppression of my emotions would cause me to over eat. Although alcohol was important to me, it was also my downfall. Even with the knowledge of that I was still hesitant about giving up alcohol for this weight loss program. I felt that I couldn't do it. I thought that my craving for alcohol would be too overwhelming and cause me to quit the program. But guess what, I was able to stop drinking cold turkey. I never had a craving for it which is by the grace of God. By giving up alcohol, not only was it aiding in my weight loss journey, it was also aiding in my emotional healing journey as well. 

So I encourage you all to find the underlying issues that you feel is keeping you from being successful in your weight loss journey. One of mine being alcohol, as a way to not deal with emotional hurt. Learning how to heal without anything making me numb was a major barrier I had to break. To be honest, it is still not easy at times. What gets me through is looking at where I started to where I am at currently. Yes, I still have bad days but I try to find a productive way to deal with my emotions. So my homework for you (Yes homework lol) list your underlying issues with weight loss and come up with a plan to deal with them. Yes, I know this is going to be difficult since this requires you to be fully honest with yourself. It is still difficult for me to this but I know I have to. Just take it one day at a time. You got this....#MyLastFatHomeComing