Insecure pt.2

She said you can't know where I've gone

Or how far I've run

There's a reason why I can't apply

All of me

Maybe I ain't the one

How I adore our love would be so true

I just wish you knew

I'd be all yours if my mind didn't wonder

I've got scars from my life before you

Please don't think I'm insecure

I just can't trust no one else

Please don't think I'm insecure

I just feel safe by myself

Brent Faiyaz - Insecure

I'm sitting her reflecting on my insecurities I still have before, during and somewhat after this weight loss journey. How long is long enough? When can I get over them? Why did I have them? Do I love myself? How can someone love me with my flaws? Why was I born? Questions like these and more marinate in my mind and have crept down into my soul. I don't feel enough at times. The fu*k up thing about it is that I don't know what "enough" is... My insecurities and anxiety enjoys this word "enough". It is my kryptonite. The sworn in the side that can't be removed like Excalibur. I'm no King Arthur and my round table is consistented of my flaws and insecurities I see within myself. 

 This "enough" did not go away even after the 180lbs weight loss. I still feel that I can be more but what is more. Everyday I fight with this "enough" because I deserve happiness. I know to take it one day at time but it hard at times. This is when I go back and look where I came to where I am at now. Seeing the distance traveled compared to the distance in front of me keeps me motivated....