(Return of the Mack) it is
(Return of the Mack) come on
(Return of the Mack) oh my God
(You know that I'll be back) here I am
(Return of the Mack) once again
(Return of the Mack) pump up the world
(Return of the Mack) watch my flow
(You know that I'll be back) here I go
So I'm back up in the game
Running things to keep my swing
Letting all the people know
That I'm back to run the show
'Cos what you did, you know, was wrong
And all the nasty things you've done
So, baby, listen carefully
While I sing my come-back song...
Mark Morrison - Return of the Mack
Swagger, Juice, Glow, Feeling yourself, Poppin and Hot Girl Summer are all synonyms for the word Confidence.
Confidence is defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. This is something I always had but lost it. Well let me give you some background. I always been a big guy however my confidence never waivered. I didn't have an issue with my weight especially when I played highschool football 🏈. My size helped me get recruited from colleges to play football collegiately. I never had an issue of getting a lady due to my size. I always held my head up high and walked with pride. I guess the ladies liked it..🤷🏿♂️ Even in college I had confidence but it started to wavier when the scale started to go up. Now looking back after two failed relationships, I began to question myself if I was good enough. This lead to the start of emotional eating. The endorphins I got from eating made me feel better for that small period of time however when my clothes started to get smaller the vicious cycle of emotional eating started again. My confidence sank to the bottom of the ocean because I didn't feel I was attractive and that I wasn't good enough. The confidence I did show was a mask. This mask hid that fact I didn't feel I was worth life nor purpose. The mask hid the fact I was tired of being a big guy.i wanted to be normal.
Now fast forward to my first therapy session years ahead. This was the start of the rebirth of me. I was tired of wearing this mask I thought that if I tried therapy it could work and if not atleast I tried. Over time therapy helped me to learn how to love myself again. I needed this before I started this weight loss journey because without it I would have failed. I needed to have ”confidence" within myself to be successful. Even if my confidence was the size of a mustard seed (😏) it would grow in time. The funny thing about it i didn't notice my confidence growing, others did. My recent ex told me that I was walking differently well we were together. She stated that my shoulders were sitting more up right than usual when I walked. I just chalked it up as may be the weight loss is helping my mobility. One other hand, I started to feel better mentally and emotionally over time. Even after the breakup, my confidence began to come back after I finally started to began to process my emotions of the breakup. (I am very stubborn at times. I didn't want to give my ex the power of my emotions by keeping them pent-up which was a mistake. I will talk about this later on another entry... Promise 😉.) I got more focused on my weight loss and didn't notice that my confidence was coming back. Now looking back a person could see it in my posts on Facebook and IG. The pictures I took now has my smirk 😏 I usually have. I really didn't notice. I just knew I prayed to God for peace and understanding. And to not have any resentment btowards my ex and our failed relationship. I also prayed for an increase of will power for this weight loss journey. So with every pound loss I gain some of my confidence back. But not for the reason you think. I was happy that I was actually sticking with the weight loss program and I was getting healthier. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually healed.
Closer to my dreams
It's coming over me
I'm getting higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm getting higher and higher
Feel it in my sleep
Goapele - Closer
One day I was talking to one of my homegirls and i was telling her thag since my weight loss my inbox has been crazy. I told her that I will not talk to a lady who didn't want to talk to me when I was bigger. She said Tristan they are probably inboxing you now because you are glowing. 🤔 I was like really. She rebuttal back saying that my confidence is back and my energy has changed. She further said that she doesn't see sadness in my eyes now but happiness. I was floored because to me I was same Ol' Tristan. Besides her, I have had other people say the same thing. The funny thing about it is that once I realized my worth things began to change....
In conclusion, Confidence and Faith very similar which can start off as small as a mustard seed. However the see need to be able grow with healing yourself. Taking time out to heal is very important. We all need time to reflect and heal. So i challenge you everyday to love yourself more. I know it difficult because I am doing this also. We tend to focus on our flaws. So let make our flaws our strengths. So until next time remember to love yourself and get closer to your dreams...
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